Why does love have to be associated with pain? First you think you are in love then all of a sudden you are in pain. There really is a thin line between love and hate!
Charity was the apple of my heart, she was everything that I wanted in a woman and the lady of my dreams. I loved her more each day passing, I didn’t know how to stop loving her even though she wasn’t mine. She was my friend of 5 years since we were in college. I didn’t know how to tell her that I loved her as we were stuck in the ‘friend zone’ for years. I would sleep over at her place and have all sorts of fun, share secrets and enjoy one another as friends do.
I need more out of this and I thought it was time to tell her how I felt. I didn’t have the courage to do it face to face so I wrote her a letter expressing how much I loved her. She did reply in time and I thought the letter was lost in the mail. I remember that day very well, she was wearing a very nice dress and she showed up at my office door and said nothing just walked up to me and kissed me hard on the mouth.
I was surprised and happy at the same time as I thought she was finally mine. I kissed her back and we embraced each other and enjoyed the kiss while it lasted. She stopped kissing me and said to me:
Charity: that was our parting kiss, our goodbye kiss. I can’t see you anymore.
Charity: yes goodbye, I love u as a friend and never as a lover. I saw your letter and because I still want you as a friend I though we must stop seeing each other and focus on starting relationships that will get us somewhere.
I only said ok and she was gone in a flash, I was in pain, I felt angry, I felt tired all combined in one. I excused myself from work and went home to sleep. I was indoors for a good 2 weeks, I didn’t care about work or anyone. I could not heal or get past this burden. I loved her and she deserted me, she left me all alone. I hated her for leaving me, I hated her for for ever getting so close to me yet she was so far, I hated myself.
I didn’t know what to do, I tried to call her but could get through, I didn’t know how to move on, I needed help, I needed her in my arms even as a friend. I was addicted to Charity but she was nowhere in sight, nowhere to be seen. One thing did keep me going though, hope, I knew that, I hope that they was Mrs. Right out there for me. Though I wished it was Charity, I accepted that she was not mine and day by day I recovered. I went back to work and had lots to do to catch up and I was glad I wasn’t fired.
Everything seemed back to normal as far as work was concerned but I felt empty inside, I had no one to be happy with. I need to find love, I didn’t want to die alone.
To be continued::::::::::::::::::
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